A Day of Shopping
by Angelforceus
Summary: CHAPTER SEVEN! I KID YOU NOT! What happens when Yami and Yami Bakura are forced to shop together for Yugi and Ryou? Will they end up killing each other or just go insane? Maybe both!
1. Yes, We're Both Drunk

Disclaimer: Yes, I own Yu-Gi-Oh! All of it! Mwhahahah! [men in black tuxedoes proceed to drag Angelforceus away] Ahhh! Only kidding! I own nothing! Nothing!

Author's Note: This is my first Yu-Gi-Oh fic, although I already have a couple more in the making. I'm new to the comedy genre, having written only one previously, so be kind to me! I hope you enjoy this fic and please r/r!

****

:Chapter 1:

_Brrriiing! Brrriiing!_

Yugi scrambled over to the phone, almost tripping over himself, and picked it up, answering cheerfully.

"Hello? This is Yugi Mutou speaking."

"Yugi? This is Ryou," came the reply from the other side.

"Hey Ryou! What's up?"

"Well," the other voice started, sounding a bit disappointed. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel our plans for today; I need to pick up a few things for dad and I've been putting it off for quite some time. I'm afraid the list of stuff has been growing and it might take all day."

Yugi frowned slightly, just as disappointed as Ryou. They had planned for Ryou to come over and watch movies with him, since they didn't get to see each other that often. Both had been really looking forward to the idea. 

"Oh. Well, I understand. I really need to pick up a few things for Grandpa, too. Even I may have to do that later," Yugi explained.

There was a laugh from the other end of the phone line.

"Wouldn't it be great if we could get someone else to do the job for us?" Ryou asked.

"Yeah, it definitely wou-"

His sentence was interrupted by a loud scream downstairs.

"Ahhh! Aibou, I _told_ you this oven was cursed! Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!!!"

At that very moment, a vicious idea came across Yugi's mind...

"Hey, Ryou?" Yugi asked slyly. "I've got an idea."

"Really? ...Hey, wasn't that your Yami screaming?"

"What, that? No, that's just him cooking. He enjoys it, really."

"_AIIIIBOOOUUUU!!!"_ echoed another disturbing scream from downstairs.

"...Yes...I can tell," skeptically commented Ryou. "Anyway, what was your idea, Yugi?"

The "innocent" little boy then began to explain his plan to Ryou.

"Ah!" Ryou gasped the moment Yugi was done speaking. "...Are you sure, that's safe?"

"No."

...

"...I like it."

The two little "lights" on either end of the phone began cackling evilly in a most uncharacteristic way, planning the fate of their darker halves.

"All right, I'll explain it to my Yami, then," Ryou said. "Oh, this is great."

"Good luck with that."

Their conversation was once again interrupted by Egyptian curses that could be heard from downstairs.

"I think that's my cue. See you later, Ryou."

"Okay, bye, Yugi."

And the so let the fun begin...

~*~*~*~*~

_"WHAT?!"_ literally bellowed Yami into his Aibou's ear. "No, no, no! There is no possible way I can spend my time shopping with that...that....Tomb Raider! That Soul Stealer! That...that....!"

"Yami, calm down!" Yugi pleaded. "It'll only be for today! Not even that long!"

"Aibou, you don't understand! We'll end up killing each other within the first hour!"

"...And?"

"Aibou!!"

"Only kidding! Calm down!" Yugi implored.

"Calm down?! How am I supposed to calm down?! You just sent me on an errand with the devil himself!"

"_Pleeeaaaase,_ Yami? Please, for me?"

Yami crossed his arms and glared at the wall.

"_Pleeeeaaase, Yami?"_ Yugi looked up at him with his big, watery, puppy-eyes and gave a small frown.

Yami made the mistake of looking into those eyes and struggled to hold his ground. 

"...I wuv you, Yami," Yugi said in a final blow to Yami's resolute decision.

"AGH! That's not fair! That's considered cheating!"

"I _wuuuuv_ you, Yami," repeated Yugi, sugar-coating every word.

"Okay, okay!" Yami sighed and smiled slightly. "How can I say no when you do that? But only this once, Aibou."

"Yay! Thank you, Yami!" he exclaimed and gave him the biggest hug possible.

Yami sighed. This was going to be a long day.

~*~*~*~*~

"_WHAT?!_" screamed a very angry ancient spirit.

"Please?!" begged Ryou

"No!" shouted Bakura.

"Please?!"

"No!!"

"Please?!"

"NO, DAMMIT!"

"Pl-ee-ee-eeeaaassse?!" Ryou slumped down to his knees and grabbed hold of Bakura's pant leg so he wouldn't get away.

"Ahhh!" Bakura kicked him off. "NO touching the pants!"

He then proceeded to storm off until Ryou grabbed a hold of his ankle, causing him to fall forward and land on his face.

"Oof!" the spirit grunted ungracefully, face-down on the floor. He growled dangerously and sat up to face his Aibou with a cold glare.

...

"...Please...?"

"I'm telling you, NO! Why the hell would I want to do your dirty work in the first place? It's not exactly my fault that you were too lazy to take time to go to the store. That, and I'm _certainly not_ going along with that porcupine-haired, good-for-nothing Pharaoh!" he screamed, his eyes fiery.

"Why not?" Ryou whined.

"'Why not'?! 'WHY NOT'?!" Bakura jumped up to his feet and clenched his fist. "I've got a million reasons 'why not'!!"

"He's not so bad, Yami! And besides, if you hate him so much, this would be a good chance show him who's boss!" Ryou said, still on his knees, looking for every possible pathway to get his Yami to agree.

"...Hmm...I suppose that's true..."

"Oh, _thank you so much_, Yami!" Ryou spoke happily and hugged Bakura around his knees, since he was still sitting and Bakura was standing.

"Hey, I never said I'd-"

"THANK YOU, YAMI!" Ryou screamed as loud as he could, gripping onto Bakura's legs like steel pinchers.

"Owww! Get off, woman!"

Ryou didn't move a muscle.

Bakura sighed bitterly and rolled his eyes.

"Fine. I'll do it."

"Really?!"

"Yes. Now, what did I say about touching the pants?!"

Ryou immediately let go as Bakura walked out of the room, muttering something along the lines of "damned Aibou" and "too innocent for his own good." 

Ryou smiled.

~*~*~*~*~

A couple hours later, the doorbell rung at the Mutou residence.

"I'll get it!" chirped Yugi as he ran to the door to find Ryou standing there, with a reluctant and resentful Bakura standing behind him.

"Hey, come on in! ...Uh, you too, Bakura," he added when only Ryou walked inside.

Bakura growled and followed inside.

"Have a seat."

Ryou plopped down on the couch while Bakura insisted on standing silently. Yami had already been seated when they had entered, and not a word had escaped his mouth since.

"All right, you two. Enough glaring at each other. Here, take a look at this." Yugi shoved long piece of paper in Yami's face.

"What's this?"

"Grocery list. There's a whole lot of other stuff on there, too," explained Yugi.

Yami glanced at the disturbingly long list with no end.

"What?! All this?"

Yugi smiled and nodded innocently. 

"Oh, that reminds me! Here you go, Yami," Ryou said and handed Bakura his own shopping list, the end of the paper dragging the floor.

"Holy crap! How long is it since you've been to the grocery store?!" Bakura asked, eyes widened.

"And here's the second one," Ryou started. Bakura snatched the list away from his Aibou and gaped at it also.

"Aghhh!" 

~*~*~*~*~

After a decent amount of fighting about who would drive to the store, Yami finally took the wheel and left a sulking Bakura in the back seat.

They had driven in silence, and now were stopped at a red light. Bakura had gotten a strange grin on his face and Yami had noticed it from the rear-view mirror uneasily.

Quite suddenly:

"CHINESE FIRE DRILL!" Bakura screamed loudly and practically jumped out of the car.

"Fire?! Where?!" Yami questioned worriedly, although not really understanding what a Chinese fire looked like. Not sure what to do, he followed suit and exited the car. 

"Run, you idiot Pharaoh!" Bakura commanded, pushing Yami out of the way.

Yami stumbled forward, still noticing no fire, but people from other cars staring at him suspiciously instead. He didn't notice when Bakura jumped into the driver's chair, ignoring the traditional go-around lap once around the car. The slammed the door shut and locked it.

"Haha!" he laughed triumphantly.

He stepped on the gas as the light turned green, catching Yami's attention.

"Wha- HEY! Get back here, Tomb Raider!" he screamed while chasing after the runaway car, finding just enough time to jump into the open backseat, which had been forgotten to be closed. He slammed it shut with such a force that the car shook.

"_What the hell do you think you're doing?!_" Yami asked, temper flaring.

"Driving," came the simple reply of a smug Bakura as he raced well above the speed limit.

"You're driving like a maniac!" the ancient Pharaoh screamed, now more afraid than angry when Bakura sped past a red light. He prayed to Ra he would make it to the store alive.

"AH! Here! Turn right!" Yami pointed to the turn steadily approaching.

"Will do."

The car screeched on its tires as it took an impossibly sharp turn into the parking lot. A loud 'thud' and a 'woah!' could be heard as Yami slid to the left and practically slammed into the door due to the momentum.

"Sorry about that," said Bakura, whose smile told otherwise.

The little white car tore into the parking lot and hastened into a spot, cutting off a man who was taking his time getting there.

Bakura got out of the car to face the angry man who had missed his chance, while a pale-looking Yami stumbled out at the same time.

"Hey, jerk! What the hell do you think you were doing?! That was MY spot!"

Bakura shrugged.

"You should have moved faster, old man!"

"I had my signal on!!"

"And I don't give a damn," retorted the spirit who really didn't.

"You had better apologize before I beat you down, kid!" The man's face was now beet red. Yami was afraid the poor guy was gonna have a heart attack.

"Ooo, sounds dirty," Bakura commented.

"What?! Why, I oughta-"

"Ahh...forgive my friend here. He's...drunk! That's why he's driving the way he is," Yami quickly barged in, not wanting to see a fight, although he wouldn't mind seeing Bakura with a few bruises.

"And you let him drive?" questioned the man, who was beginning to calm down, if only slightly.

"Uh, yes...well... I'm drunk, too! Haha, can't you tell? Yep, drunk! Have a nice day!" he stammered, which was something he didn't do often. Grabbing a tight hold of Bakura's arm, he ran into the grocery store, dragging he spirit of the ring with him.

Once inside, he lost the phony facade and glared at Bakura.

"What was that all about?! Are you _trying_ to get us both killed?!"

Bakura shook off Yami's tight grip and started to walk away.

"Don't bust a blood vessel, _my King_," he added mockingly. "Ha, 'I'm drunk, too'. That was a good one," he scoffed.

Yami growled and followed after him. 

_It certainly is going to be a very, very long day._

~*~*~*~*~

Author's Note: Wow, that was long for a first chapter. ^.^; It's kind of off to a slow start, like most stories do, but please tell me what you think! I promise more action in the next chapter! 


	2. Attack of the Produce

Disclaimer: [whines] No, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, darn it. But if Konami were willing to _give_ it to me, I'd be much obliged. Hey, one can dream, right?

Author's Note: Thanks for everyone who gave me those wonderful reviews. I didn't think I would get that kind of feedback. ^_^ Well then, I hope you enjoy chapter 2 of this kooky fic!

****

:Chapter 2:

The two spirits trudged through the store like it was cruel and unusual punishment. And to them, it was. They had a hard enough time getting to the produce section, with Bakura pointing to random places and leading them to nowhere, ignoring the big sign "produce" floating in the air, let alone finding the things _within_ it.

When Yami finally dragged Bakura over to the right section, they were overwhelmed by the amounts of colorful and…strange things they found.

"…How the hell do we find what we need in this place?!" he spat.

"We read the signs," answered Yami coldly, "which is what we _should_ have been doing in the first place, instead of wandering aimlessly."

Bakura only ignored him and looked at the first thing on his list. 

"Onions."

Yami looked over his list and found the same thing somewhere along the line…the very…_long_ line.

"I have that on my list, too," he said.

They roamed around the produce looking thoroughly confused until a big sign with the word "Green Onions" on it made them come to a complete stop.

Bakura looked at the long green strips of onion skeptically and picked one up.

"What the-? What kind of lame onions are these? I thought they were supposed to be round?!"

"Those are _green_ onions. Apparently, there are more than one kind," Yami stated matter-of-factly. He glanced over at the sign next to them and it read "Yellow Onions".

"I think these are the round ones," he stated, picking up a…round onion.

"_Thank you_, Captain Obvious," growled Bakura, snatching the vegetable away from Yami. He looked at it disgustingly.

"What do mortals see in these things?" he wondered with a skeptical brow, looking at the dried, peeling, layered Onion. He took a whiff. 

"Ugh! And it smells like sh-"

"Stop your complaining, already!" Yami growled, frustrated. "They actually taste good once you…"

"Really?" pondered Bakura as he took a big, juicy bite into the Onion.

Yami winced at the sight.

"…cook them."

Bakura's face twisted into something looking awfully disgusted and angry at the same time. He spat the remains of the onion on the floor and let out an appalling scream that even made Yami feel sorry for him.

"AGGGGHHHH!" he screamed bloody murder, still clutching the bitten onion in his hand. "What the hell do you mean, 'they actually taste good'?! Dammit, my mouth is burning!" 

Yami blinked as the enraged one continued to scream a long line of obscenities at him. People began to stare at the man with the white mane of hair as he continued his fit of fury.

Finally, Bakura's temper died down, ending in only icy glares.

"Are you finished?" asked Yami, who was in actuality a bit amused.

A flying onion that landed him on the forehead was the only reply.

Yami struggled to control his own temper and grabbed a thin, plastic bag to put the vegetables in from above him.

"What are you doing now?" asked Bakura, his voice still bitter.

"Getting something to put the produce in. That is, unless you want to carry it one by one." 

Yami placed a couple of onions into the bag and closed it up with a twist-tie. Bakura growled and followed suit, throwing the half-eaten onion in along with the others, muttering under his breath.

The Pharaoh once again looked at the list of things to purchase and noticed that even _with_ bags to carry them with, they were going to have to have a shopping cart to carry it all. He sighed, suddenly feeling tired.

"Here, hold this," he told Bakura, holding the onions out. Bakura only glared at him.

"I need to get a shopping cart to put all this stuff in, or else you're going to be carrying a lot more than just that," he warned.

Bakura snatched the bag away, but kept his death-glare on Yami.

As he walked to grab a shopping cart, he yelled back, "And get some peaches while I'm gone."

~*~*~*~*~

Returning back, pushing a metal cart that was annoyingly squeaky, he spotted Bakura looking at the peaches.

The fruits were stacked up nicely, untouched by any customer so far. Bakura reached for a ripe-looking peach near the bottom and plucked it out of the stack.

"No! WAIT!" cautioned Yami but it was already too late.

"WHAT?!" retorted an agitated Bakura right before an avalanche of peaches came falling down and bounced off his head. They continued to fall until not a peach was left on the stand.

"AGH! This place is cursed, I tell you!" 

"No, you're just being stupid! If you would listen to what I tell you-"

"You _told _me to get some peaches! You never mentioned anything about the fruits going on the attack once I picked one up!"

"If you had any brain at all, you would know that the smartest choice wouldn't be one at the very bottom! You idiot, they're stacked like the Great Pyramids for Ra's sake! Of course you don't just grab one from the bottom!"

"Grr, just SHUT UP!" screamed Bakura.

"AFTER YOU!" Yami screamed back.

The two began yelling at each other with fury, until something caught their ears:

_"Clean-up in produce..." _sounded a bored voice. _"Clean-up in produce…"_

The two spirits blinked.

"Where did that voice come from?" Yami asked, looking astonished.

"It's evil magic! They've come to punish us for the mess we made!" Bakura stated, looking a bit worried. "'Clean-up'…that means they're out to get us!"

"No…They wouldn't do that…?"

"How else would they know about this so quickly?! Fine then, Pharaoh, you stay here and let them tear your heart out for ruining their pathetic display of peaches! I'm gone!" 

And with that, the spirit of the ring ran off and disappeared into a random aisle.

"…What an fool. They wouldn't…" Yami's voice trailed off, staring at the mess of peaches rolling about on the floor.

The peaches stared back at him.

…

"Agh…" 

Yami grabbed hold of the squeaky cart and ran after Bakura, not taking the chance to look back.

~*~*~*~*~

He finally found Bakura in the snack aisle, far away from the produce section, almost on the other side of the store. Yami forced the cart around and squeaked up to him.

"Is that on the list?" he asked, motioning at the bag of chips Bakura was looking at.

"Sure."

"…No it's not," Yami glared.

"Are you calling me a liar?"

Yami stared at him.

"Fine! Here, look at this!" Bakura shoved the shopping list in Yami's face and pointed to something in particular.

Yami looked at it and rolled his eyes.

"It says potatoes, not potato _chips_," he corrected.

"It's the same thing!"

"Not quite…"

"Well, who cares?" snapped Bakura after swiping the list back and stuffing it in his pocket. "I'm not going back to that cursed hell hole."

He threw the chips into the cart and walked on.

"You scared of fruits and vegetables?" teased Yami, following.

Bakura was silent.

"…I have developed a fear of onions, stacks of peaches, and big voices telling to 'clean-up'," he muttered finally. "And it's all your fault!"

"No, it's your own fault. And besides, half the things on our list are fruits or vegetables!"

"…Fine then. I'm going to get this over with once and for all!" he declared.

Bakura shoved Yami from his spot of driving the cart and sped off towards the produce section, all determination and squeaky wheels.

"Hey!" Yami called. "_What_ are you doing?!"

When he got no reply, he reluctantly ran after Bakura.

~*~*~*~*~

Yami reached the produce section for the third time that day, this time finding Bakura stuffing random fruits and vegetables into a plastic baggy and throwing them into the cart. The Pharaoh raised a brow.

"Wait, how do you know that's on the list?" he asked as Bakura threw a sack of radishes into the already half-full cart.

"I don't," came the simple reply. "And I don't care. Half this stuff has got to be on the damn list anyway, and the rest they can just live with."

"'They?'" Yami asked. "Wait a second, _this_ isn't for my Aibou, too…is it?"

Bakura almost laughed.

"Oh, yes it is! I'm getting this done in one swift strike! Hahaha!" he replied with a crazed look in his eyes.

Yami scratched the nape of his neck while Bakura stormed through the section, throwing just about everything into the cart and moving onto the next with incredible speed. He shook his head.

_At least he's doing most of the work_, he thought quizzically.

~*~*~*~*~

With the shopping cart filled to the top, Bakura staggered back, looking worn.

"I guess all we need to do is check out now," said Yami, crossing his arms and then taking back the shopping cart forcefully. "This way to the line."

The two squeaked along until they reached the check out lines. People were filed out into the aisles, and all were moving at a snail's pace.

"No…" groaned Yami, letting out an exhausted sigh. "I just want to go home…"

Bakura, catching sight of the size of the lines, resorted to cursing in Egyptian. 

They stood in line for more than thirty minutes before Bakura finally exploded.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE DAMNED LINES?! CAN'T YOU MORTALS MOVE ANY FASTER?!" he screamed, and Yami was surprised he didn't bust a lung.

When no one even turned a head to look at the screaming man, his temper only grew worse.

"Ignore me, will you? Maybe you won't ignore as much if I send you all to the Shadow Rea- OW!"

Yami glared at him, a piece of squash in his hand.

~*~*~*~*~

Author's Note: That's the end of chapter 2! How did you like it? I'll say one thing, it sure was a heck of a lot fun to write! Please tell me what you thought about and review! Please! ^_^


	3. Itchy Rashes

Disclaimer: The fact that I even have to write the word "disclaimer" means that I don't own it.

Author's Note: Once again, thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chapters of this fic. You have no idea how much encouragement it gave me to keep on going! Hopefully, you'll find chapter 3 up to par along with the others. Thanks again and R/R! 

****

:Chapter 3:

Yami and Bakura were finally drawing near to the check out counter. Both waited anxiously in silence while they inched closer and closer. An old lady was in front of them, and it was now her turn to be served. 

"Hello," greeted the cashier, who was obviously trying very hard to sound cheerful. "Did you find everything to your satisfaction?"

"Yes, I did," replied the little old lady.

"Good. Is this all?"

"Yes," she answered once again.

"Would you like to join our membership club?"

"No, thank you."

"Are you sure? You save ten percent off almost everything in the store."

Yami's patience was growing thinner by the moment, although it was nothing compared to Bakura's. Yami saw Bakura glare at the cashier lady from the corner of his eye.

_Great. He's about to go insane again,_ thought Yami.

"Yes, I'm sure, miss," said the old lady again.

"It doesn't cost anything at all," prodded the cashier lady. "And you also get-"

"Damn it, how many times do I have to tell you, Miss?! I don't want any freakin' membership so just get the hell on with my checkout!" the little old lady screamed with great lung capacity.

Yami was quite surprised and Bakura laughed out loud.

"Woooo!" Bakura cheered, raising a fist. "Go, Grandma!"

The little old lady turned to Bakura.

"And I don't need any lip from you, young man, so hush up!"

…

"…Yes, ma'am."

Yami couldn't help but laugh.

~*~*~*~*~

The old lady had moved on and it was now their turn to check out. The cashier lady scanned and punched in all their items until she suddenly stopped.

"What's wrong?" asked Yami.

"I'm sorry, Sir. But this is the express lane."

"You could have fooled me," Yami commented, everything getting down to his last nerve.

"You have more than 20 items. You can only have 20 items or less to checkout."

"_WHAT?!_" both Yami and Bakura yelled at the same time. Yami tried to calm down but couldn't stop his twitching brow. Bakura, on the other hand, let it all out.

"NO! We almost make it out of here alive and you come and stop us because _of the amount of items we have?!_ I'll murder whoever makes up all these damned rules!!"

The cashier clerk only blinked.

"You're going to have to get into another line."

"Aggh!" grunted a very frustrated Yami. He was so desperately angry that he didn't even notice the Eye of Ra starting to glow on his forehead.

"Woah! That's a really weird rash you've got there!" exclaimed the cashier clerk in awe.

"…A rash?"

"Yeah! It's like, glowing! Wow, that must be really itchy!" She pointed to Yami's forehead.

Bakura, despite the situation, began laughing so hard his stomach started to hurt.

"It's NOT a rash!!" Yami hollered, only making the third-eye glow even brighter, reflecting his anger. "It's a sign of Ra and a symbol of my powers!"

"Yeah, whatever. You know, we've got some really good skin cream for-"

"NEVERMIND THAT!" Yami let out all his previous anger in those two words. The entire store went quiet.

_Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out…_

"…Is there any way you can proceed with the checkout?" he asked quietly, his third eye starting to flicker away.

"You can't have anymore than 20 items."

"Fine, then."

Yami then started to open up all the produce bags and empty some of them into others. He tossed empty plastic bags to the side, not saying a word through the entire process. He did this all with an impressive amount of speed.

"What are you doing now?" asked Bakura.

A few minutes passed. People in line were growing more and more impatient, but none dare spoke a word to the two volatile teens in front of them.

"THERE!" announced Yami triumphantly. "Twenty items!"

Bakura peeked into the cart.

Yami had stuffed as many different types of fruits or vegetables he could into one bag, and did the same with the others. It was a strange sight. Onions were mixed in with the lemons, and carrots were mixed together with parsley and strawberries. He had done this until there were exactly 20 items and 20 items only. Each bag looked like it was about to explode.

"Happy now?" he asked.

"…I'll have to talk to my manager about that," said the clerk.

"AGGGHHHH!" Yami yelled, the Eye of Ra appearing once again.

"Okay, okay!" she said, giving in. "Don't lose your temper; it's bad for your rash!"

~*~*~*~*~

The cashier finished ringing up the price and told it to Yami. Yami began digging around in his pockets for the money that Yugi had given him to pay for it all.

"No, stop right there," Bakura interrupted, holding a square piece of plastic in his hand.

"A credit card? Does Ryou have one of those?" Yami wondered.

"Ha, that's funny. No, he doesn't, and if he did, he wouldn't be stupid enough to lend it to me."

"It couldn't possibly be _yours_?" The ancient Pharaoh wondered if a Yami could apply for a credit card.

"I never said it was mine," Bakura explained, sliding the card through the machine. He waited for it to be approved. When it was, he smiled evilly.

"All right…"

"Whom did you steal that from?!"

Bakura slapped his hand over Yami's mouth. 

"Steal? Why, what could you possibly be talking about?" he said, facing the clerk with a fake smile. "You must have had too much to drink again, my friend! Ha, what did I tell you about that?"

Yami tried to say something, but it came out muffled and unintelligible.

Bakura waited as the clerk put all the items in plastic bags and handed Bakura the receipt.

"You two have a nice day," she said.

"Heh, already too late for that," said Bakura as Yami smacked his hand off of his mouth. The two silently put the bags into their cart and walked off.

~*~*~*~*~

When they had exited the store, Yami got his chance to continue with the interrogation.

"Where did you get that credit, card?!"

"Calm down, Pharaoh. It belongs to my Aibou's father," he said coolly.

"Does he know you have it?"

"He will when he gets the bill," responded Bakura.

Yami opened his mouth to say something but decided against it. It would have landed on deaf ears, anyhow. 

The two walked to their little white car and Yami opened the trunk, stuffing all the bags in the back with much effort. He pushed the now empty cart to Bakura. 

"Get rid of it," he commanded.

"No problem."

Bakura shoved the squeaky cart down the parking lot with all his strength.

"Wait, what are you doing?!"

"Getting rid of it!"

"That cart has a faulty wheel!"

"So?"

The cart rode smoothly downhill, until it suddenly averted course and made a sharp left, slamming right into a shiny red Porsche.

"Oooh, that's gonna cost a lot to fix." You can guess who said that.

__

"HEY! Who just wrecked my car?!"

Both Bakura and Yami stood there dumbfounded.

"I say we drive until there's no tomorrow," the spirit of the ring suggested.

"For once, I agree," the spirit of the puzzle said.

Both hopped into the car and with Bakura at the wheel, drove off.

~*~*~*~*~

"Wait, we still haven't gotten everything on the list!"

"I know," said Bakura.

"Then why are we heading home?!"

"We're not heading home."

"Yes, we are! You're going the wrong-"

At that moment Bakura made a lethally sharp (and most likely illegal) U-turn, once again cutting Yami short and letting the poor Pharaoh slam sideways into the door again.

"OW! Will you warn me when you do that next time?!" Yami growled, deciding it was now a good time to put on his seat belt.

"At least we're not going the wrong way anymore. What's on the list?" 

Bakura threw Ryou's shopping list to the back seat, the crumpled piece of paper bouncing off of Yami's fore head and landing in his lap.

Yami unfolded it and compared the two lists.

"Clothes, mostly," he stated. At the very bottom of Yugi's list, he noticed something written messily. He squinted in order to read it, trying his best to do so when Bakura was driving crazily like he was.

It read:

__

And Yami, pick me up a few of those new duel monster cards... Grandpa's outta stock. Please? I wuuuuv you.

Yami smiled at his Aibou's scribbling and Bakura noticed this from the rear-view mirror.

"What?" Bakura asked suspiciously.

Yami quickly wiped his own smile off his face, retaining his serious composure.

"And cards. We need to get some cards," he answered.

"Cards?"

"Duel Monster cards."

Bakura sneered.

"We're not here to shop for _you_, we're here to shop for our little 'lights'", he scoffed.

"They're not for me. It's on the list."

"Whose list?"

"Yugi's list," said Yami.

"Ah, yes…_of course_," Bakura sneered.

"…What?"

"Nothing…"

"What?!"

"Nothing!"

"WHAT?!"

"NOTHING, YOU DAMN PHARAOH! SHUT UP AND LET ME DRIVE!"

Yami crossed his arms and slumped against the back seat, glaring dangerously and his third eye beginning to glow. He was about two seconds away from killing Bakura. 

…

"…Warning," said Bakura out of nowhere.

"What?" Yami questioned coldly.

__

Screeeeeeeeech!

The tires screamed as Bakura gave the road one of his neck-snapping turns. He grinned as Yami gave a cry of surprise, although no "thump" was heard this time due to the seat belt he wore. He tore into a large shopping center and stopped abruptly once inside a parking spot, causing both occupants to lurch forward.

"Welcome to the largest shopping center in the district. Here, you'll find anything and everything your Aibous forced you to come out and buy! Come one, come all!" Bakura mock-announced.

"How did you know this place was here?" asked Yami once he recovered from Bakura-driving syndrome.

"You find a lot of interesting things when you pry around in Ryou's brain." The spirit then exited the car, followed by Yami.

"Feel free to get lost in the crowds and leave me alone," Bakura hinted rather bluntly, walking along the sidewalks and elbowing past people who had the misfortune to stand in his way.

"I don't trust you," said Yami just as bluntly.

"Oh dear. My heart bleeds."

"…Don't tempt me."

The two bitter spirits strolled through, their day far from over.

~*~*~*~*~

Author's Note: And another chapter comes to an end! I personally had a harder time writing this one. Too me, it feels as if there isn't enough going on. Maybe that's just me. Tell me what you think with plenty of reviews, please! ^_^


	4. Petty Scoundrels and Psychotic Pharaohs

Disclaimer: If I owned Yu-Gi-Oh, there would be a lot more episodes like this fic. There would also be flying elephants and Bakura's hair would change colors every other week. ...Maybe that's the reason why I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Go figure.

Author's Note: Hee, this is so much fun to write. Thanks again for all the reviews and enjoy the fourth installment of this deeply profound and profoundly deep fic. …'Tis so much fun to make Bakura act like a goofball. Anyway, R/R!

~*~*~*~*~

****

:Chapter 4:

It was a very crowded walk through the shopping center. People would not seem to move out of the way, even though one would think they would notice the very obvious hair of Yami and the evil glares of Bakura.

"Excuse me," said Yami for the hundredth time when he bumped into someone.

"Excuse you!" roared Bakura for the hundredth time when _he_ bumped into someone.

Yami was too busy looking for a game shop to pay any attention to Bakura. Around him, there was every type of store imaginable...except a game shop. Yami sighed in frustration. 

They continued their walk until they came across a pet shop. In reality, neither really cared for pets and both would have kept walking had there not been a small distraction.

Outside of the pet store, as if it were some sort of cheap advertising, a colorful parrot sat in a stand-up cage, blinking as people walked past. The parrot spotted Bakura, who was in a bad mood like always, and blinked again. Suddenly:

"Petty scoundrel! Squuaawwk!"

Bakura stopped in his tracks and turned around to face Yami, who almost ran into him.

"WHAT did you say?!" yelled Bakura in Yami's face.

Yami blinked and stared.

"I don't know. What did I say?" he asked casually.

Bakura growled and turned around, continuing to walk. Yami shrugged and followed.

"Petty scoundrel! Petty scoundrel! SQUAWK!"

Yami turned around to see what was making such a loud noise, when suddenly Bakura in his face again.

"If you have something to say, then just SAY IT!"

"I didn't say anything!" Yami defended, his brow furrowing.

"Don't think I'm stupid! I heard you! You said, 'Petty scoundrel! Petty scoundrel! SQUAWK!'" yelled Bakura who had that insane look in his eyes again.

"...squawk?"

"Yes, SQUAWK!"

"Sqquuuaawwkkk!" squawked the parrot.

"Exactly!" said Bakura.

There was a moment of awkward silence as Bakura slowly turned his head to look at the parrot, with Yami's quizzical look still upon him.

"_What_ did you say, bird?" Bakura asked dangerously.

"..."

"That's right. You better not say anything."

Bakura turned to leave, satisfied with himself.

"PETTY SCOUNDREL! _SQUAWWWK!"_

"AGGH! Die, bird! You're about to become tonight's dinner, you stupid sack of feathers!" Bakura announced, getting ready to leap on the cage.

Yami made sure that didn't happen by grabbing hold of his shoulders just in time.

"Get off of me! I've got a score to settle with that bird!"

"Petty scoundrel!"

"DIE!"

"STOP!" screamed Yami, all the noise starting to confuse him. Both Bakura and the bird stopped yelling at each other temporarily.

"Are you really this immature?!" Yami questioned.

"Of course I am!"

"If you destroy that bird, you're going to have to pay for it!" Yami explained.

"You forget that I have a credit card!"

"That doesn't mean you can rip apart anything that makes you angry enough to do so!"

"Never stopped me before!"

"Petty scoundrel! Squaawk!"

"AGH, DIE!"

"I SAID, STOP!"

Both spirits became silent, as well as the bird, but the glares they gave each other were very apparent. They ignored the strange stares coming from innocent passerby's.

Yami walked up to the bird and stared at it, after calming down a bit.

"He has a big vocabulary for a bird, I'll admit. I don't think I even knew what 'petty scoundrel' meant until I was at least eight," Yami went on.

Bakura rolled his eyes.

"Hello," said the parrot to Yami.

"Hello," said Yami to the parrot.

"What?! What does that bird have against me?!" Bakura stammered, running up to the cage. 

"HELLO!" yelled the latter, obviously not meaning it.

The colorful parrot looked at Bakura, then to Yami, then back to Bakura. It blinked.

"...Petty scoundrel."

"AGGGGHHH!"

"Clearly, this bird knows you," stated Yami.

"Shut up!"

"...squaawk."

~*~*~*~*~

Yami had dragged Bakura away from strangling the parrot to death, and both were in sour moods once more. Yami looked from store to store, his arms crossed. At last, he spotted what he was looking for.

"There it is," he said absent-mindedly, not loud enough for anyone to hear. Bakura kept on walking as Yami entered the game shop.

"I can't believe my Aibou put me up to this!" Bakura yelled to the sky rather noisily. "When I get home, I'm going to stay inside The Ring for a few more millennia! Although he would probably wake me up with his snoring, that stupid Aibou," Bakura babbled on.

A man behind him stared.

"Especially when you're inside that stuffy Ring, his snoring is like one big earthquake! But _anything_ to get away from YOU!" Bakura swiftly turned around and pointed his finger at the man, expecting to see Yami. 

The man now looked very scared.

"Uh..." Bakura blinked, searching for an explanation. 

"I'm drunk...?" he tried. It seemed to be an ongoing theme.

"Oh," said the man, nodding like it was normal. He then walked off.

Bakura glared and went off looking for Yami.

~*~*~*~*~

Yami walked out of the game shop with two unopened packs of duel monster cards in his hand. He looked around, wondering where Bakura went off to. 

_Where did that tomb robber go?_ he thought to himself.

"Move! Move! Dammit, I said move you pathetic mortals!"

_Ah, there he is._

Bakura struggled against the flow of the crowd with no avail. Instead, Yami carelessly walked up to him.

"Looking for me?" he asked.

Bakura looked up and growled, becoming agitated at absolutely everything imaginable.

"Where the hell did you run off to?!" he almost screamed.

"I told you; I was getting cards for my Aibou." He waved the two packs of cards in his hands.

"Ah!" Bakura's eyes lit up, suddenly interested. "Open them!"

"What? Of course not! I told you; these aren't for me," Yami responded.

"So? Who cares?!"

"I do! I won't take the chance of betraying my Aibou's trust."

Bakura snorted indignantly.

"You call yourself a Yami? You're too soft. If you won't open them, then I'll do it for you!" Bakura suddenly leapt at the two packs of cards in Yami's hand, only to miss when Yami pulled back just in time.

"NO! These are my Aibou's! I won't let you touch them!" Yami warned, holding the cards as far away back as possible from Bakura.

Bakura, of course, was quickly losing his temper. He growled.

"Give them here, you imbecile Pharaoh!" he spat, right before bounding a considerable way to grab them from Yami's hand. Fortunately for Yami, all he got was a handful of wrist.

"What are you-?! LET GO!" he screamed in Bakura's face and only drew the cards further away from the other spirit's grasp. 

But Bakura was quite the persistent one when he wanted to be.

"NO! Not…until…you…let me…see…what's…inside!!" Bakura yelled, making futile attempts to grab the cards in between words.

"Let go of me, Tomb Raider!"

"Shut up, coward!"

"Stubborn grave-robber!"

"Psychotic Pharaoh!"

"PETTY SCOUNDREL!"

"AGGGHHH!"

In a desperate attempt to protect the cards from the insane spirit of the ring, Yami shoved the two packs of cards into his back pocket, hoping they would be safe there. Too bad it was only wishful thinking.

Bakura, who was still clutching Yami's wrist when he put them in his back pocket, let go and was now only a few inches away from his goal. He reached for them, but Yami turned around just in time.

"LET ME SEE!"

"NO!"

"DAMMIT!" Bakura exclaimed as he made another attempt at the cards, only to have Yami turn around once more.

Now then, you can imagine that through stranger's eyes, one might get the wrong impression. After all, it _did_ seem like Bakura was reaching for Yami's butt…need there more to be said? Also, comments coming from the two angry teens' mouths were only making the situation worse.

"Can't you wait until we get home to see?!" asked a frustrated Yami.

"No way! You're being impossible, Pharaoh! Now take them out and let me see! What? Don't you trust me?"

People walking by stopped and stared, some almost laughing at the sight. The two spirits were too busy fighting to even notice.

"Of course not! You tried to steal my soul once; what reason do I have to trust you?"

An audience was now gathering and forming a circle around both of them. A few 'awwws' emerged after Yami's last remark was made, most of them taking it metaphorically and not literally.

"Awww…how sad," said someone from the crowd, temporarily straying the attention of the bickering teens.

Eyes widened, both of them looked around at the circle of people surrounding them. Suddenly, both felt the need to be nervous.

"…'Aww'?" they said at the same time.

At last, the humiliation clicked in their heads. Their eyes grew so wide it was almost frightening.

"WHAT?! NO! It's not what you think!" Yami attempted to explain, but it didn't seem to be working. Those sly smiles were still on the crowd's faces.

"W-what?! You think we're…me…and him?" Bakura gaped, instantly wishing he was mortal so he could kill himself. He shook his head violently to the point where it looked like it hurt.

"No, no, no!" Yami said. "You've got it all wrong…!"

"Isn't it cute?" said a woman from the crowd. "They're both in denial! How sweet!"

"AGGGHHHH!" Bakura gave a primal scream and his hands leapt for Yami's throat. "This is _your_ fault!! Die! Die already, damn you!"

"_My_ fault?! This isn't my…Acck!" Yami didn't get to finish his sentence with Bakura's hands around his neck.

Then, a savior appeared at the scene. Or rather, it was the man that Bakura had ran into a few minutes back.

"Don't mind them," said the man. "They're just drunk."

"Oh," said the crowd all at the same time, nodding their heads in disappointment. They quickly began to dissipate, including the man who just went about his own business.

Both spirits stopped. Bakura stopped trying to cut off the air supply to Yami, although he didn't move his hands. Yami stopped stomping on Bakura's foot because of it. The two looked very confused.

"All right, then," Bakura started, letting go and dusting himself off. "I think that went rather well."

Yami only glared at him.

~*~*~*~*~

Author's Note: This chapter I actually wrote from experience. My aunt has a parrot that says "shut up" whenever someone says "I love you" to it. X^D I found that painfully funny when I found out for myself. And the entire scene where Bakura is trying to look at the cards…well…you don't wanna know where that one came from. ^.^; Review please!

ALSO...there won't be another update for a few days. I'm about to leave on a vacation, if all goes well, to Arkansas. What's in Arkansas, you ask? I'm not sure. Guess I'll find out when I get there. But I promise an update when I come back! ^_^ Until then, see ya!


	5. Sanity? What Sanity?

Disclaimer: Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!!

Author's Note: I'M BACK! Why was I gone, you ask? Well, first of all, I was sent to the shadow realm by a certain evil spirit and then was chased around the place by Kuribohs for about a month or two. Really! What? Stop looking at me like that! AHHHH!

______________________

****

:Chapter 5:

As much as the two spirits wanted the day to end, it only seemed to drag on by the minute. There was no stopping the constant complains coming from Bakura and the sharp replies from Yami. 

"Dammit, there are hundreds of places to shop for clothes! Just pick one already!"

"These are all women's stores, you idiot! We probably parked on the wrong side of the shopping center…and I wonder whose fault was that?"

…

"…I am going to _kill_ my Aibou when I get home…" murmured Bakura venomously.

"I may have to have a word or two with _my_ Aibou also," Yami sighed, wondering if Yugi enjoyed putting him through this torture. 

In actuality, both were a little surprised that they had made it so far into the day without killing each other. Although it would make Yami feel a lot better by lopping off Bakura's head when he got the chance, his Aibou and Ryou would most likely frown upon that. 

Besides, after buying clothes, they would be able to go home. Yes, what a wonderful thought. He would lock himself into his puzzle for a couple of days doing nothing but sleeping. 

Yami smiled at this, forgetting their goal of looking for a place to shop. He completely walked passed a compatible clothes shop, Bakura stopping and looking after him.

"Hey! HEY!" Bakura stretched out an arm and grabbed Yami by the choker he always wore. Needless to say, the accessory started to live up to its name.

"Wha-? ACK!" Yami fell back, almost tripping over himself.

"Get your damned head out of the clouds and get in there!" 

Bakura forcefully shoved a confused Yami into the shop and reluctantly followed, grumbling to himself.

~*~*~*~*~

Both spirits looked around the huge store filled with teen's clothes and blinked. There was a void expression on their faces.

"Where do we start?" Yami asked, starting to feel intimidated by all the clothes staring back at him. So many colors…it was beginning to make him dizzy.

"Well, what the hell does it say on the list?!" Bakura snatched the list away from Yami's hand, scanning over it. The day was obviously starting to take its toll on him; he was in a much worse mood than usual. And that was saying a lot.

The white-haired teen gave a loud growl when he read what it said on the list.

"'Clothes'?!"

"What?" wondered Yami, startled at the sudden outburst.

"'CLOTHES!'"

"…_Yeeesss_, we've got that part down already. What _kind_ of clothes?" he retorted sarcastically.

"That's all it says! Clothes!" Bakura shoved the list in the former Pharaoh's face. "The hell?! Stupid Aibou! Doesn't even know how to make a proper list!"

Bakura looked like he was about to snap. All of it was too much for the guy.

Yami raised an eyebrow and looked at Bakura nervously, who continued to yell out loud for the whole store to hear.

"Perhaps you should sit down," Yami advised carefully. "I don't think you can handle this without murdering somebody."

"I CAN DO IT!" Bakura screamed in Yami's face, deafening his ears slightly. "I don't need your pity! I make a fine shopping-for-clothes-person-spirit-thing! Haha, jealous are we?!" 

Once again, there was a crazed glint in the Spirit of the Ring's eye, and this time it was starting to scare Yami. He didn't feel like making Bakura search for his sanity and instead thought of a much easier idea.

"Fine, then. You go shop for the clothes you think Ryou would like, and I'll do the same for my Aibou. When you're done, just meet me at the front desk. That should be simple enough for even you to do," Yami added.

"Fine!" replied Bakura.

And so the search began…

~*~*~*~*~

Yami had found a section that interested him, and he shifted through the pieces of clothing, looking for something that Yugi might like. After all, if _he_ liked it, then surely his Aibou would too.

Bakura, on the other hand, was doing the same thing, just on the other side of the store. It seemed like he had regained most of his lost sanity; his mumbling to himself had died down.

Yami was looking at the price tags and wincing when he saw the money he would have to pay. 

_Maybe this was a bad place to shop…too late to back down now, though. I'm ashamed to even think this, but I guess we will have to put that credit card to use. …I suppose I'll just pay back Ryou's father…somehow…_

On the other hand, Bakura seemed like he didn't even know price tags existed. If he saw something he liked, he grabbed it immediately, without giving the little tag a glance.

Finally, after vigorous looking, the two came back, hands full of clothes.

They stared at each other's assembly for a minute, then suddenly laughed out loud.

"HAH! You've got to be kidding me!" they both said at the same time. Hearing this, they both glared at each other at the same time, also.

"What's wrong with this?!"

"What's wrong with this?!"

"It's all black!"

"It's all leather!"

…

"So?!"

"So?!"

"There's no way Ryou would go for that!"

"There's no way Yugi would go for that!"

"Agh, just shut up!" both said at the same time…again.

All the while, a confused cashier lady was staring at them, having no idea what to do.

"Um…excuse me?" she asked cautiously.

"WHAT?!"

"WHAT?!"

"Are you…ready to checkout?"

"No, we're not!" Yami said, this time by himself. "If we're going to use that credit card, I'm going to make sure the money doesn't go to waste! Like I said, Ryou would never wear such a thing!"

"And you think Yugi would wear _that_? Please, all the cows in the world would be after him if he did," Bakura scoffed.

"I happen to look good in leather! Therefore, Yugi looks good in leather because he _is_ me and I am him!"

The cashier lady continued to stare.

"And I look good in black! How is that any different from you and your Aibou?!"

"Ryou doesn't want to dress like he's going to rob a bank, that's how!"

"And Yugi doesn't want any vegetarians going for his life, either!"

"Fine then! How about we try these on and see exactly how good they look on us! If they happen to look horrible, which yours will, you have to put them back and find something more suitable! Agreed?"

"Agreed!"

Both ran as fast as they could into the dressing room to prove their point. 

After a few moments they both ran out, searching about the store for sizes that actually fit them, and then scampered back into dressing rooms.

"…They must be drunk or something," thought the cashier lady out loud.

~*~*~*~*~

A few minutes later:

"HAHA!" came two yells at the same time as two of the dressing room doors flew open. Out came the two Yamis, looking proud.

Bakura, dressed in all black, scanned Yami, who was wearing all leather. He scoffed and turned around.

"I still think black looks better."

"Impossible. Leather is better," Yami argued. 

"Besides," he continued in a lighter tone and turned around to look in the mirror, "I like this."

Bakura blinked and shoved Yami out of the way so he could see himself.

"As do I," he said, ignoring Yami's growl. "I'm going to get this for myself."

"What? You can't do that! What about Ryou?"

"I'll get the same thing for him, too. Although I don't think my puny Aibou would look half as good as I do now," Bakura commented, too lost in his own reflection to even notice Yami's frustration.

Yami just rolled his eyes.

~*~*~*~*~

The spirits soon walked out of the store, carrying the clothes in plastic bags. One was dressed in all black and the other in leather. 

People stayed out of their way.

"YES! Finished! Finally!" Bakura screamed to the sky. "All that is left is the ride back!"

"Speaking of driving, _I'll_ be doing that. There's no way I'm going through another ride with you as the driver."

"You know what? I couldn't give a damn!" Bakura yelled, more than happy that the day was coming to a close. "Drive to Egypt first if you want! I'm just finally going back home!"

Yami smirked as they took the long walk back to their car. Once there, they shoved the newly-bought clothes into the trunk, along with the fruits and vegetables they had gotten earlier, sitting there in the heat. With a slam of the trunk, Yami literally ran into the driver's seat, very much afraid that Bakura might beat him to it. 

Luckily, that was not the case.

Bakura took his seat on the passenger's side, not caring who took the wheel, just as long as he got home and away from grocery stores and shopping centers for the rest of his long life ahead.

Yami put the keys in the ignition and gave it a twist, and the car gave a small start…

"Yes…!"

…and then died down.

"Come on!" Bakura hurried. "Let's go, already!"

"I'm trying!" came the shout, obviously becoming more and more frustrated.

He turned the key once more, this time to have nothing happen at all.

After a still moment of silence, Bakura began banging his head against the dashboard.

"Why…me….?"

There was a sudden scream of rage from Yami that surprised even Bakura. 

"AGH! YOU!" he pointed a shaky finger at Bakura and the eye on his forehead began to glow fiercely. "You left the headlights on, didn't you?! DIDN'T YOU?!"

Now it was Bakura's turn to become wary of Yami's lack of sanity. The only reply was silence. Yami looked like he was about to explode.

"Just…just…" Yami tried to keep his cool, but Bakura's annoying silence made it all fall apart. "DIE, SOUL STEALER!"

Yami then leapt at Bakura's throat with a frenzied look in his eyes.

"Ack-!" came the sound from Bakura's throat. "Let…go…idiot…Ph-"

He had no time to speak, or no patience for that matter, because then he sent his own hands around Yami's throat and they both struggled against each other. Yami's shoulder rammed against the wheel during the chaos and the car horn blared. They couldn't understand each other's sentences, nor could they care, but all were something along the lines of death and the shadow realm and the like.

A few people walking past stopped and stared.

"I've got my money on the spiky-haired one," said a man.

"No way, the other one is gonna win…ouch, that looked like that hurt," commented another.

And so they day didn't quite come to the end that was expected, and turned out becoming more delayed than ever…

___________________

AN: Review! Review! I'm alive! Review, already!


	6. Movies and Motels

Author's Note: Yay! Another chapter! Rejoice! I've finally found the time to actually continue my fic. It's a miracle, considering all the schoolwork I've been given lately. Gah, sometimes I wish I could just burn it all….Well, enough of _my_ crazy tendencies…it's time to get back to those insane Yamis…

****

.chapter 6.

The fight continued to rage on from within the small white car in the parking lot. Screaming could be heard from within although almost all of it was unintelligible. A few people stopped and stared, only to continue to walk by as if seeing nothing unusual.

"AGH! Idiot! Who's dumb enough to leave the headlights on _in the middle of the day_,_ for Ra's sake!?_" Yami managed between attempts to kill Bakura.

"Don't you dare blame this on me, Pharaoh! I wasn't the one who was intent on shopping for clothes in the first place! If you would have just listened to me and drive back home like I-"

"'Drive home?! _Drive home?!_'" Yami practically yelled in Bakura's ear. "You never said a damn word about "driving home"!"

"I've been wanting to go back and destroy my Aibou for a very long time now, thank you very much! But now-"

Yami interrupted Bakura's screaming fit with another of his own.

"But now we can't, thanks to you and your…your…" he struggled for words. "Your headlight-turning-on-tendencies!" Yami clenched his fists.

The Spirit of the Ring suddenly became quite cold and sarcastic, which was probably not the best choice at the time.

"'Headlight-turning-on-tendencies?' What a marvelous technical phrase. Did they teach you _that_ in the Royal Palace, also?" he said in a mockingly bitter tone.

The Eye of Ra burned brightly on Yami's forehead, although he was unaware of it.

"You dare mock me, soul stealer?" Yami growled, reflecting the same cold tone Bakura had picked up. "I'll teach you to know your place!"

And with that, Yami suddenly leapt at Bakura's throat with lightning speed. 

"Acck!" came the pathetic groan of Bakura.

The white-haired teen struggled to slip out of Yami's death grip, but it was to no avail. In desperation, he groped behind him to find anything that may help him out of the awkward situation. 

His hands wrapped against something cool and metallic against the car door.

"Ha…!" Bakura barely managed, for Yami was still trying to squeeze the life out of him. He strengthened his grip against the metallic rod in order to use it against Yami somehow as a weapon.

He yanked at the small rod as hard as he could to pry it from its spot against the door.

"DIE, PHAR-woooaah!"

The car door flew open as Bakura almost wrenched the door-handle off with too much effort.

Yami let go of Bakura's neck in surprise, and barely kept himself from falling out of the car by holding onto the seat. He watched quietly as the other spirit literally flew out of the car and landed directly on his butt.

"Argh…" Bakura groaned, both his pride and backside hurt in the process.

"Serves you right!" called Yami from inside the safety of the car.

"Shut up!" Bakura snapped, standing up and grimacing slightly from the bruise he most likely now had.

"You truly _are_ an idiot, aren't you? What kind of person opens the car door while they're actually leaning against it?" The scene replayed over and over in Yami's brain, and it made the spirit laugh quite suddenly and quite uncontrollably.

Bakura looked up at the sky in frustration.

"The kind that no longer sees any point in liiiiving!!" he screamed in rage, glaring up at some higher being and ignoring the echoing laughs of Yami behind him.

~*~*~*~*~

Yugi pressed the "stop" button on the remote control as the movie ended. He and Ryou had been watching movies non-stop since they had forced their Yamis to do their shopping for them, and both were starting to wonder. It was starting to get late, and daylight was beginning to run thin.

There was a small lapse of silence.

"…Do you think…" Yugi started

"…that they're still in one piece?" Ryou finished.

Another moment of silence.

Both shrugged.

"So, what do you wanna watch now, Ryou?" Yugi asked, shifting through at least five different rented movies.

"Oh, I don't mind…Let's watch that one!"

~*~*~*~*~

"It's getting late," Yami commented from the driver's seat, looking up at the darkening sky.

Bakura sat in the back, glaring ahead at nothing in particular.

"…There must be another way home…" Yami trailed off.

The silence was thick and tangible from the back.

"It would take forever to walk back…"

Again, silence.

"Maybe we could-"

"Shut up," came a sharp reply from the backseat.

The Spirit of the Puzzle glared daggers at the reflection in the rear-view mirror. The reflection glared back at him with unwavering iciness.

He was becoming frustrated again.

"You're not making this any easier," he said dangerously. "If you're not going to help-"

"Help?! Ha, that's almost funny," retorted Bakura. "I have become allergic to helping starting right now. It's most obvious that 'helping out' pathetic little Aibous only leads to complete torture on my part."

Yami glared.

"You're not exactly cooperative, either! Perhaps you should stop sulking and start thinking of a way to get us out of this mess!"

"Who are you to tell me what to do?" Bakura challenged.

"I command you to!"

"You apparently forget two things, Pharaoh. One: We're not in Egypt anymore, as you have most likely noticed and Two: You're a few thousand years behind the times, therefore you can no longer tell me what to do!"

Yami opened his mouth to say something, but quickly dismissed it. He was too tired and no longer wanted to push the subject any further. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"I suggest we find someplace to stay and worry about this in the morning."

"_You_ can find someplace to stay," Bakura spat indignantly. "I refuse to go anywhere else with you."

"Fine, have it your way!" Yami remarked and exited the car, slamming the door with enough force that the entire car shook with it. He started to march off, but quickly turned around and walked up to the car window. He yelled loud enough to where Bakura could hear, even with the window up.

"And when _I_ find a nice place to stay, a nice bed to sleep in, and a _very nice_ car to drive back home in, _you_ can just sit there and continue to sulk and watch over the groceries and the clothes for the rest of your eternal life!"

That said and done, Yami turned around and walked off.

For a long moment, Bakura only glared at the distancing figure. 

"…Damn it all."

The spirit exited the car and followed Yami, who already knew he would come.

~*~*~*~*~

Both walked in silence, Yami busy looking for a decent place to stay and Bakura glaring at anything and everything.

Finally, a blinking light labeled "Motel" caught the Pharaoh's eye.

"There," Yami pointed to the small, disturbingly empty motel.

"What? In _that_ dump? You've got to be kidding me!"

Yami looked at it and couldn't help but frown. 

"I admit, it does seem very…"

"…Ugly? Run-down? Hazardous to one's health?" Bakura suggested.

He gave Bakura a sideways glance before returning his gaze to the motel.

"I was going to say 'crude', but those other descriptions fit well, also."

"Screw this," Bakura scoffed, turning around. "It's the car for me."

Yami reached out and grabbed him by his shirt collar, causing Bakura to jerk backwards and almost fall over.

"_We_ are going inside. Right now, it's our only option. Maybe they can help us out of this situation…What are you doing?" Yami questioned, raising a brow at Bakura's twisting attempts to get Yami's grip off of his collar. He stood there and stared, his grasp firm.

"Unlike you, I have my pride to worry about!" Bakura growled, continuing his strange movements to free himself of Yami's grip. "Let go! LET GO!"

Yami rolled his crimson eyes and sighed, dragging Bakura into the motel with him.

"No! NOOO!" Bakura's scream echoed through the darkened sky. "Agh, why me?!"

~*~*~*~*~

Ryou felt a cold chill run up his spine.

"Yugi…I think our Yamis are in trouble," Ryou said in the middle of the movie.

Yugi smiled, shaking his head, yet keeping his eyes glued to the television.

"Yeah…knowing them, they most likely are," he said, his mouth full with popcorn.

"What…?"

"Ryou, don't worry about it. I know Yami, and you know Bakura. It's safe to say that by now they've found everything on the list, yet realized themselves stranded in the shopping center and are forced to stay at a remote motel," he stated matter-of-factly.

Ryou only blinked.

"But it's also safe to say that they'll find their way out of it," he continued, and turned his head to face Ryou. "And they'll make it out alive, I promise."

Ryou smiled. 

"If you say so."

"Want more popcorn?" Yugi offered, handing to the bowl to Ryou.

"Sure."

~*~*~*~*~

Both spirits entered the motel cautiously. Yami walked up to the front desk with Bakura lagging after. A young teen sat in a chair, reading some magazine and not noticing their arrival.

"Excuse me…sir?" Yami ventured.

The teen looked up over the rim of his magazine with a dull expression.

"What?"

Yami blinked and Bakura rolled his eyes, scoffing.

"We would like a place to stay for the night," the spirit continued, ignoring the rude reply from the clerk.

The teen blinked and glanced at Bakura, then back to Yami.

"You two together?" he questioned, not noticing Bakura's sudden flare in temper.

"_What?!_ What do you mean by _that_, you little-"

"Calm down!" Yami snapped, before turning around to face the clerk again. "Yes, we will be _paying_ together, but we need very separate rooms. Not next-door separate rooms; opposite-sides-of-the-hallway separate rooms."

The young man slumped back into his chair.

"Sorry. There's only one room left. The rest are taken," he stated bluntly.

"What do you mean!?" Bakura yelled again, and Yami didn't try to stop him this time. "There aren't any cars in the entire damn parking lot, you adolescent imbecile! How can there possibly be that many people here?!"

The young man blinked.

"Don't ask me; I just work here."

Instead of exploding with anger, like Yami had expected, Bakura only shrugged.

"Well, I guess it's back to the car with me," he said, turning around and starting to walk off. He felt another tight grip fall onto his collar, stopping him in his tracks.

"Agh…"

"That one room has _two_ beds, I assume?" Yami asked the boy calmly, still clamping onto Bakura's collar tightly.

"I guess…if you count the floor as a bed."

Yami's eye twitched and Bakura struggled harder than ever to be free from Yami, but to no avail. 

"Fine," Yami sighed. "We'll take it." He slid a credit card to the teen across the counter to pay.

"Hey…! How did you get _that_?! Last time I checked, I was the one with the credit card!"

Yami shrugged, while the teen handed back the small piece of plastic, along with a single key.

"Does it really matter?" Yami replied to Bakura, grabbing the keys.

"Room A11," informed the clerk before burying himself back into the realm of magazines.

Yami sighed. Bakura murmured obscenities under his breath.

The day was coming to a close, but they were still so very far away from their destination…

______________________

AN: Yep, another chapter comes to a close! ^_^ Please review! The next chapter will deal with….[shudder] motels…Scary, no? Haha, and mucho fun to torture Yamis with! 


	7. Doors and Deathtraps

Author's Note: YAY! Chapter seven! …..YAY!

Disclaimer: Hopefully you know by now that I don't own Yu-gi-oh. What a thought, though.

****

.chapter 7.

The two spirits clambered up the steps to find room A11, in the words of Bakura, "Where ever the hell that may be". After a bit of grumbling and a small bout of "shut up"s, "no, you shut up"s, the two spirits finally reached their room.

Yami practically jammed the old key into its slot, completely furious about how the day had turned out. He gave it a twist and gave the door a shove rather than a push to open it. 

But the door had ideas of its own.

"Gah," Yami growled in a futile attempt to yank the key out. "It's stuck," he said rather bluntly.

Bakura's eye twitched before replying, suddenly feeling very frustrated at the door that stood between him and the most likely horrid room before them.

"What do you mean, 'it's stuck'?!" Bakura yelled in Yami's ear. "Don't you know how to open a door when you see one?!"

"Well then, why don't _you_ try opening it, if you know so much?!" he yelled back in Bakura's face; what little patience he had before was now but a memory.

"Fine, I will! Step aside, useless Pharaoh!" the Spirit of the Ring commanded before he shoved Yami aside roughly. He now stood directly in front of the door, glaring fierce daggers at it. "Allow me to show you how _real_ men fix things."

Yami just rolled his eyes, with sarcasm dripping from every word he spouted.

"Oh really? Well, you had better go and find one then," the Pharaoh said dryly, crossing his arms and not looking very amused at all.

The white-haired teen gave Yami a sideways glance.

"Har har har, you're _so_ hilarious," he replied with equally sarcasm embedded in his words. Yami sighed.

"Are you going to just stand there or are you going to-"

Suddenly a savage scream erupted from Bakura's throat the startled even Yami himself, cutting the rest of his remark off. He jumped slightly, not quite sure what to think.

"ARGH!" Bakura bellowed, suddenly lashing out a leg at the lock which lay beneath the doorknob, and planting a foot roughly against it with a loud "thud" that echoed throughout the entire motel.

Yami blinked. After a few moments of silence, he decided to comment.

"…Feeling better now?" said the Spirit of the Puzzle quizzically.

Quite abruptly, the wooden door swung open with a small "creaaak", revealing the darkened room before the two.

"Much," Bakura replied coolly, with a smirk showing on his features. He walked into the small room without giving a chance for Yami to reply and flicked at the light switch.

The lights flickered on after a few seconds, giving a dim light that showed just how horrible the place really was. 

Yami growled and followed Bakura in, practically fuming.

"I thought you said you were going to _fix_ the door, not break it!" he snapped irritably.

"What do you care if it's fixed or broken? It's the same difference, anyhow. Besides, we're in, aren't we?" said Bakura.

"Yes," Yami replied, although he wasn't sure that was a good thing or a bad thing now that he had the chance to take in his surroundings. "But that still doesn't mean you can go around breaking, stealing, or killing things whenever it strikes your fancy. Haven't you learned that by now? Look where it's gotten us," he said, motioning around at the shabby room.

Now it was Bakura's turn to roll his eyes, continuing to venture further into the dark unknown of the motel room.

"Yes, _mother_," he scoffed. "Damn Pharaoh. You're too uptight about everything."

"No, you're too reckless, grave robber," Yami said simply.

"Well, that's better than me acting like I have a stick up my butt the entire time, unlike someone," Bakura said.

Yami opened his mouth to reply rather angrily, but Bakura had suddenly walked off on him, heading towards the small bed near the end of the room.

"The bed is _mine_, fool! HA!" Bakura cried triumphantly as he leapt onto the center of the bed. "You're just going to have to sleep on the floor like the rat you-"

Quite suddenly, Bakura was cut off in his insult to Yami when the bed practically collapsed in on itself, leaving the poor spirit stuck in the middle with all sides of the bed surrounding him like a squishy prison.

"What the hell is this?!?" the trapped one screamed, trying his best to make his way out of the middle of the bed which now almost leaned inward, inches above the ground below. Yami wasn't sure what to think and instead just stood there, watching the strange sight.

"It seems to me that you can keep the bed if you want. I'd rather sleep on the floor than in that death trap," he said logically, ignoring Bakura's frustrated growls.

"Gah!" Bakura screamed once more, somehow managing to cling onto the side of the bed and pull himself up to sit on the side. His hair was a complete mess as he jumped away from the bed and put his back to the wall, half-staring and half-glaring at the bed which had just tried to eat him.

"What are they trying to do in this wretched hive of scum and villainy?!" yelled the traumatized one. "Do they _want_ to kill us?! Is that why there's no one here?! Because they've all had the life squeezed out of them by their beds of death?!"

"Yes, that's exactly what they want to do," Yami retorted dully, tired with dealing with the rantings of a crazed spirit. "You've figured out their master plan; who would have suspected a tiny motel in the middle of nowhere to be able to do such atrocities?" 

Bakura shot a glare at Yami from the other side of the room.

"Are you _mocking_ me?"

"You're a genuine idiot, you know that? No one's trying to kill you, although the aspect is rather tempting at the moment. You're just a victim of your own stupidity."

"Stupid?!" Bakura spat. "I'm not the stupid one! You're the one who insisted on leaving the safety of the car and finding a place to stay! Oh, and what a place it is! I can't believe we actually have to _sleep_ here!" he continued, apparently on a roll.

"Well, we do, so get used to it," Yami said candidly. "And it's only for tonight until we can think of a way to get back home, so stop your complaining," he added, walking up to the bed and yanking a sheet off smoothly and laying it on the dusty floor.

"What are you doing?" Bakura questioned sharply.

"Fixing a place to sleep," replied the Pharaoh off-handedly as he grabbed a single pillow off the caved in bed and threw it down near the edge of the white sheet. "I'm not about to break my back trying to sleep in that so-called bed, and according to your whining, you're not going to either. So I suggest you do the same."

Bakura opened his mouth to reply, but deemed it unnecessary. Instead he grumbled something along the lines of "sleeping on the floor with the rats…how degrading" and grabbed a leftover thin sheet and pillow and tossed it on the ground a ways from Yami. 

"Goodnight," said the Spirit of the Puzzle, obviously not meaning it in the slightest. He had already made himself comfortable on the ground, with his head laying on the pillow and eyes closed.

Bakura sneered as he plopped himself down on the hard, makeshift bed as well.

"Too late for that."

~*~*~*~*~

A few hours had passed, with the night already deep and dark and the two spirits barely managing to sleep, when a rustling sound was heard on the ground in the middle of the room.

Bakura, who had only been half-asleep anyway, jolted up, annoyed. 

"Damn it, _shut up,_ you fool!" he directed his scream at the sleeping Yami.

Yami, who in fact wasn't sleeping in the first place, slowly sat up and glared through the darkness at Bakura.

"_Who_, in the name of Ra, are you talking to?!" he demanded gruffly.

"You, stupid Pharaoh! You're the only one in here!"

"I'm making no noise! You're hearing things!"

Another skittering sound, like the sound of small, padded feet…

"There! See?!" cried Bakura.

"That wasn't me," replied the other spirit, blinking.

"The hell?! Well, it wasn't _me!_" Bakura said, and reaching an arm upward to grope at a small lamp seated on a tiny corner table, he found the switch and clicked on the light. Bakura looked about.

A giant rat sat on Bakura's leg, waving it's naked tail around wildly.

Bakura's eyes widened in surprise and slight horror.

"ARGH!" he screamed, and kicked his leg frantically, trying to get the furry creature off. "It's a rat! It's a giant, damned rat!" he yelled when the rat only clinged to Bakura's pant leg with its claws, possibly more surprised than Bakura was.

Yami gaped at the size of the rat. _So, they have rats here as well?_ he thought. _How wonderful…_

"Off! Off, you disease-ridden creature!" Bakura lashed out his leg one final time with all his strength and watched as the rat flew across the room with a disturbingly baritone squeak.

Yami could only watch as the rat sailed right at him and smack dab in the middle of his chest, clinging to his shirt like a lizard on the wall. He immediately got up on his feet, looking down at the rat with big yellow eyes.

"Ahh! Tomb-robber, I don't want it on _me!_" he protested as the rat refused to move. "Get it off!"

"Are you kidding?! I'm not touching _that_ thing!" the other spirit snapped.

Suddenly, the rat came to life, making its way up Yami's shirt and diving into it once it reached Yami's collar.

The latter's eyes widened even more as he felt sharp, tiny claws prick at his bare chest frantically.

"GAH! No, get out! OUT!" Yami screamed helplessly as he whirled around in a futile attempt to get the rat out of his shirt.

Bakura now looked amused rather than irritated at the creature. 

"Well, it seems as if it likes you, Pharaoh. You've made a new friend."

Yami was too preoccupied with the rat to even hear Bakura, and in his crazed attempts to shake it off of him from within the confines of his shirt, the poor spirit ran into the edge of the death trap (also known as the bed) and fell forward, face down into the center of it.

The rat gave another squeak as it scampered around its new, unknown universe called Yami, and not enjoying it one bit. Within all the screaming, squeaking, thrashing, scampering, and laughing (courtesy of Bakura), chaos reached its peak when the bed collapsed in on itself once more, leaving Yami and the rat stuck in the middle like Bakura before them.

Yami, finding that he could no longer move, yelled a long line of obscenities before the rat somehow found its way out of his shirt and ran down the edge of the bed, disappearing in some dark corner.

The Spirit of the Puzzle, looking almost tangled up within himself, just sat there in the ditch of a bed for a moment, unbelieving of what had happened moments ago. Bakura's laughter echoed behind him.

"Very graceful! _Very_ smooth!" Bakura snorted in laughter.

"Shut up!" Yami snapped, still stuck within the bed. "Before I make you shut up!"

"I'd like to see you try, especially with your butt caught in that hole," Bakura said, and this started up yet another round of insane laughter.

"Why you-!" Yami struggled to get up, but gave up once he realized that it wasn't worth the trouble. Besides…it was very comfortable in a caved-in bed…

A few minutes passed, minutes that were filled with the mocking laughter of Bakura. When he heard no sarcastic or sharp reply from Yami, he stopped and quirked a brow.

"Hey, idiot…you dead or something up there?" Bakura stood up and peered over the bed.

Yami snored slightly within the comfortable crevasse of the bed, curled up within it, despite the scene of it looking like his limbs were sprawled out all over. His eyes were closed and he was mumbling softly in his sleep.

"…dark magician…dark magic…attack…." he said in the middle of some vivid dream.

Bakura sighed.

"Damn. And you had to go and get my hopes up…"

With that, the Spirit of the Ring lay back down on the floor on the sheet, closing his eyes and forcing himself to get through the long night ahead.


End file.
